13 April, 2013
This afternoon Shelley Rickey single handedly freed all 10 of her Toes which had been held hostage by the woolly militant group known as 'SOCKS' for seven months since their capture last year in September. The 10 Toes show signs of extreme weakness due to the horrid circumstances to which they were subjected during their capture and detention but all are expected to make a full recovery. Three of their captors are known to have been killed during the rescue operation.
Captain Big Right Toe, lovingly referred to as 'Big Piggy' by his fellow captives, solemnly expressed his immeasurable gratitude for their liberation but quickly added, "...today we 10 Toes have been freed but on this same day millions of Toes all over the world will suffer from hideous acts of violent oppression at the hands of SOCKS." The youngest of the hostages, Pivate Tiny Toe, or 'Little Piggy' was completely overcome with emotion and could only state, 'I'm going to cry wee-wee-wee all the way home.'
Three members of the SOCKS killed during Operation 'Free Phalanges'
Left to Right: Bruno Breiwol, Karlheinz Kniekous and Siegfried Strompfhosen